Are you courageous enough to doubt?

Sermon John 20:19-31

Our text today comes right after a couple disciples learn that Jesus has been resurrected. Jesus was killed and now Jesus is alive and walking around. Today we learn how the rest of the disciples including Thomas come to hear that Jesus is in fact not dead but living. Let’s remember the last time the disciples were with Jesus- in the upper room sharing a meal as friends- only days ago when all seemed calm and normal as far as they were concerned because they didn’t understand what Jesus was trying to communicate to them. Judas had already made a deal to betray Jesus. At that meal, Jesus tells them that he will be betrayed by someone else aka Peter and now here we see that Thomas still doesn’t believe what Jesus has prophesied. It’s only been a few days and things are a hot mess. A lot has happened. Some are stunned, some are amazed, some are feeling immense guilt and shame, and some are still in disbelief. This story is famously known as the doubting Thomas- he wasn’t with the group that physically saw Jesus so when they come and tell him what they have seen he is skeptical. It’s not until he actually touches the parts of Jesus body that we’re speared that he believes. This part is interesting that it’s even in here- it seems like maybe having a way to physically prove He was Jesus was essential. There’s technically no reason why at the crucifixion Jesus was pierced in the sides. It seems to me the for the sake of the narrative that the fact that Jesus pierced sides show up again is to teach us something or why have it be part of the story? Maybe God knows we need proof. I know Thomas gets the raw end of the deal for not being able to believe without sight- to have a blind faith but at the same time Jesus openly gives Thomas proof- he doesn’t try and deny Thomas the joy of knowing that He is alive just because Thomas needed a little bit more and it seems like Jesus created a way for Thomas to believe. Judas wasn’t ashamed to demand more information, he didn’t apologize. He didn’t have to ask and could have just not cared enough to really want to believe, or he could have just said he believed. He was courageous in asking Jesus to show him the truth and he was courageous in pronouncing Jesus as his lord and his God. I don’t think Thomas is in this narrative to shame him and try to get us to not be like him. I think Thomas is in here because we are like him. One theologian pointed out that Thomas means “the twin” and we actually never hear of his twin- maybe the twin is us. More than ever as a human race we want proof. We live in a culture where people are constantly trying to scam us by phone or e-mail and through hacking. We’d be naïve not to want proof.

God knows this and seems to say okay I can help those of you who have trouble believing- we will find a way for you to believe. And I think for all of us that is in a unique way. Jesus relates to us uniquely so how I come to believe in God will be different than how each one of you do.

At the risk of sounding like a hippie or overly politically correct, I’m going to refer to God as goodness for the rest of the sermon. When we talk about believing in God we can’t help ourselves but get lost in what that means because it’s impossible for us to know what that means in its entirety. But we are told in scripture that God is good and God represents goodness so for today and for the sake of helping us understand God in a way that is plausible let us think of God as goodness. Do you believe in goodness? What keeps you from believing in goodness? Are you willing to fight to believe in goodness?

I don’t consider myself foolish although a lot of people would say being a pastor is foolish work to spend your life doing. I don’t adhere to blind faith or some abstract being that does miraculous things. Can I answer all questions- no, do I doubt yes. But what I know is that I do encounter beauty As many people do but where faith is involved is that I choose to believe that that beauty is a gift for humans. I have felt love and I choose to believe it’s a gift for humans. I have felt grace and I choose to believe it is a gift for humans. Same goes with all the other things I encounter- all things I’m going to call goodness. How they came about, I’m not sure- I don’t know that it matters but I have faith that it’s not an accident and that we are worthy of all these things. Maybe it’s foolish to think so highly of us to believe that love and grace and restoration are here as a gift to us- but the alternative makes no sense to me. For such purpose driven beings for there to be no purpose to any of it just doesn’t fit. So because I believe in goodness, I fight to continue to believe in it when the doubt creeps in. I’ve heard people say “I’ve seen too much bad stuff to believe in a purpose or reason for us being here”. I say that I’ve seen too much good stuff not to believe that there is a reason or purpose for us being here. I see the bad stuff too, but it doesn’t discount the good stuff I see.

I just finished reading a book called all the ugly and wonderful things. I’m not going to recommend it unless you want to read a really complicated book about love and family and like scripture end up with more questions than answers. It makes you think and question and is uncomfortable for much of the book. The hard part of this book is this young girl, wavy finds love and hope in a very unexpected place. In an unexpected person. In a way society would not approve of. The whole book the author causes you to go back and forth between whether this love is right or wrong or more than that asks the question, what is love? Can it be wrong if it’s love? What makes love love? If this thing makes you feel whole- helps you heal, isn’t it good? Can one type of love turn into another type of love. In the book the young girl who becomes a young woman finds healing and wholeness in a way that is frankly uncomfortable. But despite all the really horrible trauma she faced in her first 12 years of life, she finds a lot of beauty. The bad doesn’t keep her from seeing the good and she fights over and over to keep the good. She saw a glimpse of good in something and she will bet everything she has on it.

Thomas wants to believe in goodness, I want to believe in goodness, wavy wants to believe in goodness. But you have to fight for it. You have to ask hard questions, work out all of your doubt, choose to put stock in the slivers of beauty you encounter, you have to fight for the good things to be present in your life. Goodness shows up differently for everyone- what does goodness look like in your life?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us that we need to fight to believe in it- we’ve all been through a lot and have many reasons to doubt. There’s nothing wrong with being Thomas

I know Jesus says blessed are those who didn’t need to see, didn’t need the proof. But what about those of us that have had our trust broken or been deceived or hurt- why is it so crazy that we would need proof.  For many of us, It’s a form of self-protection. I think everyone wished we lived in a world where we didn’t need to protect ourselves, but we don’t live in that world. I get it Jesus is saying he is different- maybe you cant trust them but you can trust me but we need help doing this.

Thomas displays courage here- courage to ask the hard questions, to voice his doubt- he’s not ashamed. And then he has the courage to pronounce that Jesus is his lord and his God.

What kept Thomas from believing was not knowing if Jesus actually resurrected. Maybe this isn’t your question- maybe you are not concerned as much with this answer. So I would ask you what keeps you from believing in Goodness? Is it having been taught a narrow definition of what goodness Is? it how unrealistic the stories in the Bible are? Is it all the violence and pain you see in the world?

I know many if not all of you have asked yourselves these questions before and have come up empty. I wonder though if we are asking them the wrong way. When we ask these big doubting questions, we ask them abstractly. We ask them in a hypothetical way- not a way like Thomas where its personal and circumstantial. I wonder if we were to ask these big doubt questions about the things concerning our personal lives what kind of answers would we get?. I don’t believe the question of why does God let bad things happen to good people is any different than why is my child in pain, my spouse, my dog, myself? If we want to know who God is then we have to start with what’s happening to us personally. We have to voice our own doubts- am I loveable? Am I likeable? Am I smart enough? Am I beautiful? Am I trustworthy? Am I worthy? Am I a good… fill in the blank- daughter, mother, sister, friend, husband, pet owner. We will not find God in the abstract. We will find God in these questions- and we will not find God in the answers but it is in the asking that we find God. You find your faith when you realized you believed enough to ask the question.

I was once asked a question in an interview of what did I believe had to be true about the gospel story in order for God to be real… I knew this person and they were trying to trick me not in a there’s a right answer way but in a there isn’t a right answer way- to me personally, I’m not concerned with what did or didn’t happen- I’m concerned with do I believe in love, justice, goodness, mercy, the power of forgiveness, grace. Do I believe in these things and if I do what in my life has me doubting them at times? 

What questions can I be courageous enough to ask to restore my faith time and time again? See with Thomas- he wanted to believe, he was just having trouble- he wanted the glimpses of faith to become stronger and stronger but he needed reassurance. He wouldn’t have asked these hard questions if he didn’t want these things to be true. Do you believe in goodness enough to fight to keep believing in when you see things that cause you to doubt? If not, what keeps you from believing in it? Is it enough to discount all the goodness you do see? How much goodness is enough to believe in? Earlier I said we would find faith not in the answers but in the questions- the point is not getting an answer- the point is that you care enough to ask the question. That tells you where your belief lies right there.  Amen.

Making Space for Hope

John 20:1-18

Today we read the story of the empty tomb. Friday we read the story of Jesus’s journey to the cross that resulted in his death. On Friday in symbolism with the scripture, we brought flowers to the cross and wrapped the cross in cloth, and took it from the congregation as we left in silence. We left in silence because for 3 days as Jesus lay in that tomb- the world was still. When you each walked in this morning you may have noticed the cross is gone- Jesus is no longer on it and instead, his clothes and flowers are left here, where he was. He is risen. Today we are reminded that Jesus flips the world’s understanding of power and authority upside down. As a savior of people, Jesus took a humble entry into a city he knew would humiliate him, stood true to his beliefs no matter how unpopular, and chose to suffer with his people rather than liberate himself. He showed strength through vulnerability and love through selflessness and peace through non-violence. We are reminded that God didn’t have to kill jesus in order to forgive us from our sins because we are so bad- we are reminded that an empire killed Jesus out of fear of his radical inclusiveness. We are reminded that the cross shows not that God is one of retributive justice where we are punished based on our crimes but that God is one of restorative and rehabilitative justice. The cross reminds us of Jesus’ desire to be in relationship with his people no matter what because that is his greatest joy and peace. What else does the cross have to remind us of this morning?

Each time I read this Easter story, I read it a few times over and see what jumps out at me. I mean I have heard the story so many times nothing is surprising or new anymore. But each year, I am new and so while the information is not new- I hear it in a new way based on my new understanding of the world. This time as I pondered the text- it was actually while reading the scripture to Joyce Haney that I picked up on something that I hadn’t before. It comes in the beginning-  First it says when Mary saw the empty tomb she ran to tell Peter and the disciple Jesus loved and then it says, ³Then Peter and the other disciple set out and went toward the tomb. ⁴The two were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. It’s small but I was struck by how excited or in disbelief or just how much energy they had around this news- they are running- sounds like sprinting because one ran ahead of the other. There is anticipation and hope and energy.

When is the last time you were so excited by something that you just literally ran to it? I think of the energy kids have and I wonder why we have to grow out of that- where does it go? I’m not sure if it’s the pandemic or just settling into the routine of adulthood with all the responsibilities but that energy isn’t where it used to be. I think the last time I was excited like that- with that much physical, unabated energy was in college. It’s funny I say that because I always find it odd that we hear college freshman sprinting down the halls at night- while I am annoyed at this, it makes me wonder, what are they so energized by? So excited by? Maybe for them, it has to do with a high intake of alcohol but for Peter and the unnamed disciple- I don’t think that was the case.

They are excited but they are astonished- I’m wondering if we are astonished by anything as much as when something happens that we believe is unbelievable- as when something happens we are convinced could not happen. I think that’s the only thing that could provoke this response in me. I am excited about a lot of things- moving, having a baby- but I’m not astonished because I expected those things. The astonishment is contingent on this hope factor- this leaving space for the unbelievable while at the same time understanding it is not likely. Real hope, biblical hope is not believing in something that is likely to happen, is not trusting in something that doesn’t require trust. Biblical hope is believing against all odds. That doesn’t mean a denial of reality- or ignorantly insisting God will step in. Hope involves doubt- big doubt- it just leaves a tiny bit of room for a different outcome than the likely one. And here we get to see how hearing the news that this hope they had was not foolish but essential- this is the moment their doubt is turning to belief, their hope is being fulfilled. Their brain is processing the greatest thing to ever happen to them-  because they are learning of a miracle.

Easter is about new life and the way the scripture talks about these men running-not from something but towards something is so intriguing to me. What are we running towards? Why can’t we be excited like that- filled with energy and discovery. What gives you life? For them, it was the hope that Jesus was alive. That’s why we celebrate this day- we are grateful, maybe even moved but we are so far removed from these actual events its hard to feel the impact of Jesus’ resurrection in the same way as these disciples. Is the news of Jesus’ resurrection as life-altering for us as it was for them? How was it life-altering for them? Nothing probably changed much- they had their friend, their loved one back for a while- got a chance to grieve properly before the real departure. That’s certainly something to celebrate but in terms of how Jesus’ ministry affected them- they have the excitement that maybe what Jesus said is actually true but same as us they still experienced suffering, power dynamics, oppression, and violence. Their excitement seems to be in the hope of what this could mean. It’s like hope produces more hope.

This Easter message is so powerful for us because it gives us the permission to hope, to learn to hope. It’s a personal message to each of us to not give up on the things in our life that we believe are too far gone or we believe will never happen.

When have you experienced something astonishing? Did you respond with doubt or with faith? If you are like me, you need proof before you can believe it. This might sound lame but the memory that comes to mind the most when thinking of something I witnessed as astonishing is…when the Eagles beat the Patriots in the super bowl. I did think about how it would sound to talk about the Eagles in an Easter sermon and I’m sticking with it. Before you scoff at this poor example you have to understand a few things first-one- the rivalry between the patriots and well every other team and Tom Brady and every other football fan that wasn’t a Patriots fan. There is intense emotion in this rivalry. You also have to understand how crazy it was that the Eagles were in the Superbowl that year. Our star Quarterback- a rookie mind you- our only hope you could say- got hurt at the end of the regular season leaving us with a backup quarterback that no one had any faith in. He helped us win the rest of the game that Carson Wentz was injured in but then he lost us the next game. Every Philly fan saw what could have been and began to grieve it- there was no way we could make our way through the playoffs now. This thinking is so very typical of a Philly sports fan- we most definitely respond as least outwardly with doubt- So when we get to the super bowl and find out we are playing the patriots- the near-impossible team to beat- a master 2nd half have team who is well versed and has so much experience playing super bowls- we have a little strand of hope because we made it so far on what we had and yet there is so much doubt brewing knowing the challenge we are facing. So the night of the Super Bowl comes and I am watching the game in Pittsburgh with some friends at a bar and only one other person is a true Philly fan- by this I mean they are much more doubtful than optimistic. So this game starts and the whole time, even when we are winning or playing well, I know in the back of my head that our in-experience and the patriot’s relentless ability to make incredible comebacks in the second half, I can’t get excited. The whole game I could not let myself believe we could do this- it wasn’t until we actually won that I could feel the astonishment of what happened. I really did feel astonished- if someone had told me beforehand that the Eagles beat the patriots- I would have simultaneously felt disbelief and excitement.

 Now I know that can seem like a superficial thing to be astonished at, to put hope in, but it is really something that happened that I had a really hard time believing could happen. If I had this much excitement- I don’t know if I have been energized by something so much since- what would it look like to be astonished by something more than a sports game. I don’t want us to feel guilty for not being as awed this day as the disciples were. I want us to think about what we are awed by? What gives us hope in our daily lives. Hope is contagious and hope grows exponentially- the more you have the more you will feel. Let the cross teach us today that hope is not in vain- it is possible to be astonished- it is possible for new life to come to you at any point. Maybe nothing much actually changed for the disciples except that the hope they felt that day made way for more hope. This event changed the way they saw the world- not necessarily that their lives were changed but the way they saw the world was forever changed. They had now lived in a world of hope fulfilled. If this could happen, what did it mean- if this could happen, what else could happen. How were their lives changed just by this new perspective going forward? One of the many things Jesus came to bring was hope- are you taking full advantage of that gift? We underestimate the power of hope so today I ask you to take a minute and hope for something- something you long for. Just let yourself for a minute sit in that hopefulness- remember this isn’t a wish- this is something we know is far-fetched and yet we hang on to the beauty of what could be if the hope was realized. This type of biblical hope keeps us going, keeps us wondering- today let the cross be a sign for you that you deserve to hope. I think the news of Jesus’ resurrection while not new and not surprising anymore is still as life-altering because of the hope it has the power to instill. Amen.

There is no peace without division

Palm Sunday Sermon: Luke 19:28-40

Have you ever tried to make peace with someone on a really important issue? I’m sure it went super smooth and was resolved in a few minutes after quiet conversation, right? The interesting thing about peace is it always seems to involve things that don’t feel like peace. Normally there are a lot of strong emotions, maybe arguing, defensiveness, resistance. It seems to take a long time if it ever happens. One time, I tried to make peace was with 2 friends from seminary who had been friends. 1 identified as gay and one as straight and somewhere into their friendship they realized their theological differences on sexual orientation and it severed their friendship. I tried to help them revive their friendship but it didn’t work. I’m not really surprised- I still think it’s a bummer that they can’t work it out but peace in this situation is complicated. Kudos to all of you who have tried to keep peace in your friendships and families- it feels like voluntary stepping into an episode of Maury. The Author, Tom mullen says, “They work for peace — and if you really want to cause conflict, work for peace”

Throughout the Gospels, Jesus said, Blessed, are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Peace, be still.  Your faith has saved you; go in peace.  Peace be with you.  If you, even you, had recognized on this day the things that make for peace!  I have said this to you, so that in me, you may have peace.  In the world you face persecution.  But take courage; I have conquered the world.  In the Gospels, Jesus is called the Prince of Peace.  The Apostle Paul mentions “the gospel of peace” and peace as a fruit of the Spirit.  He begins every letter with, “Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.”  In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul writes that Jesus “is our peace … So he came and proclaimed peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near; for through him both of us have access in one Spirit to the Father.”

But Jesus is also known for his statement in Matthew that says, “ Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.”  Doesn’t fit so well with all his other sayings of peace.

Jesus is quoting, here, from the Prophet Micah.  The quote is not a prediction of a divisive Messiah.  Instead, Micah is lamenting Israel’s corrupt ways.  Listen to the larger quote from Micah.  The faithful have disappeared from the land, and there is no one left who is upright; they all lie in wait for blood, and they hunt each other with nets.  Their hands are skilled to do evil; the official and the judge ask for a bribe, and the powerful dictate what they desire; thus they pervert justice.  The best of them is like a brier, the most upright of them a thorn hedge.  The day of their sentinels, of their punishment, has come; now their confusion is at hand.  Put no trust in a friend, have no confidence in a loved one; guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your embrace; for the son treats the father with contempt, the daughter rises up against her mother, the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; your enemies are members of your own household.

In Matthew, Jesus is noting that what was true in Israel is still true in the gospels- the division already exists-  Jesus does not cause the division, the strife, the conflict; but his life and ministry is a mirror for us.  Jesus reveals the division within us and between us.

And that makes for peace?  In a round-about, paradoxical way – yes.  Parker Palmer writes “Violence of every shape and form has its roots in the divided life, in that fault line within us that cracks open and becomes a divide between us.”  We must recognize that the division between us – the violence, injustice, conflict – is rooted in the division within us.

But there is something else we must recognize within ourselves.  Thomas Merton said it well when he wrote, “there is in all things … a hidden wholeness” (p. 4).  In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.”  But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven …  For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?  Do not even the tax collectors do the same?  And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others?  Do not even the Gentiles do the same?  Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.  Be perfect?  Impossible, right?  But a much better translation of the words is, “Be complete, be whole.”  Parker Palmer says this about wholeness:  “Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life.” (p. 5, A Hidden Wholeness).  Jesus doesn’t cause division, he illumines it within me.  But by “embracing” my brokenness I can uncover my hidden wholeness and that will help bring peace.

The verse after our scripture ends this morning says this, ⁴¹ As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it ⁴² and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes.”

Peace causes division because it confronts what is within us.

Peace is radical and things that are radical cause division. Bringing peace means something must change- again another thing that causes division- some will want to change and some will not. Church division over the LGBTQ community- in the attempt to bring peace to those who were feeling hatred the church called for acceptance of the LGBTQ community and that caused some of the biggest divisions in church history. This happened with letting different races worship together, letting women preach… when there is a call to reduce hate, division happens. We see it when talking about anti-racism in our society. Why when given the chance for peace, do we instead choose division?

This is also true in interpersonal relationships- how often someone wants peace but their pride or trauma or insecurity causes them to distance themselves or cause division. There is this meme I saw the other day of the outline of 2 adults- they are sitting down and their backs are against one another with their heads rested on their knees in their arms. Since it is just the outline, inside of them you can see each of them as a tiny inner child- toddler age and they are standing up facing each other – with their hands outstretched touching each other through the adult’s backs. This image goes to show that adults for various reasons- choose division over the inner child in all of us who is yearning for peace and connection. It’s like Paul- I do the things I don’t want to do and don’t do the things I want to do.

If anyone can make peace happen you think it would be God and yet here again division is the way it goes. Where does that leave us? What can we learn from this to help us to continue on Jesus’ journey for peace? What do we know about humans that can help us?

We care more about being right than the common good but more so than being right I think it’s that we want to be validated- to be seen, to be set apart, and with peace we become much more part of the whole rather than a standout member. Maybe if we would learn to feel our validation from God- From within ourselves of who God says we are, then we will look for it less from others.

With all these church splits- what causes it is fear- fear of the unknown and fear that you won’t matter as much. I don’t think any of us want to say that but I know I enjoy the things about myself that society favors over others- things like extroversion, being young, being white, being educated, having blue eyes and blonde hair- if society all of a sudden said they valued the introverted, uneducated, older brown-haired male as much as me, that would change my life- it would change the way people see me, talk to me, respect me, the opportunities they give me- how easy it is to make friends. For those of us who feel like we are getting the good end of the deal- fear keeps us from wanting to level the playing field. Our insecurity keeps us from being secure enough to invite everyone into the good life. If everyone is just as special as us- we somehow think that makes us less special.

What does God have for us that can help us in this flawed understanding? What does the gospel offer us that might give us some answers?

In God’s eyes, we are already all the same- so the fear that we have that we will no longer be seen as “better” is unfounded because that’s an illusion. God does not view some of us as better than others- we are equally loved. The fear is rooted in a false dichotomy.

We don’t recognize peace out of our own selfish ambition and we create division but we do this on a premise that doesn’t exist in God’s eyes. In verse 42 Jesus says- if only you knew what peace would bring you but now it is hidden from your eyes. I think peace could happen if we could learn to let go of the division that only exists in our minds. God sees us all equally. God cannot love you more or less. Working for peace will have no effect on you if you understand and believe these things to be true. The division within you is possible to let go of, you start with a different premise- you have everything you need to be whole and no one or nothing else can take that away from you.

Being Present in the Moment

Sermon John 12: 1-8

In our scripture this morning we see a ritual of anointing- God had already anointed Jesus with the HS but this was mary anointing Jesus as sacred- set apart- and also in preparation for his burial. It was a ritual both to prepare him for what’s ahead and a mourning of that event at the same time. This ritual was for Mary but more than that it was for Jesus. Let’s look more closely at this passage. This passage is sometimes controversial because of the point that Judas makes but in the text we see that Judas was a thief and was out for his own gain not that of the poor- the author calls him out for his “feigned” concern- Judas would take a cut of whatever money they earned for the poor so he had a vested interest in this seemingly innocent question.  We also see that It looks like Jesus and Mary had even talked about this ritual beforehand and Jesus said it was intended for his burial which was coming soon unbeknownst to everyone else.

Rituals were much more popular in the culture in the days of the Bible and were an important part of people’s everyday lives. Culturally we have rituals- more for celebrations- birthdays, weddings, births. We do have funerals, but on the whole, we don’t do many rituals before someone dies- if we know they are going to. Before a wedding you have a bridal shower and bachelorette/bachelor parties, for a baby, you have a baby shower and nest in your home- normally we don’t consciously think of these as rituals but that is what they are- events that help us prepare and set apart the thing that is coming. We are not as comfortable with death- the Catholics do last rights in the hospitals but besides that, we don’t do much to prepare for death as we do for other events in our lives. I wonder how much more at peace we would be, how much less we would fear, how much better our grief would manifest if we partook in some rituals before our own deaths and the deaths of our loved ones. Today in our scripture we see the importance of a ritual as Jesus prepares for his death.

Jesus has shown so much grace and love and now here in this parable he is receiving that grace and love from someone else. An abundant amount of grace- as grace always is-undeserved- uncomfortable. This makes me think about our relationship with God is one of mutuality.  Our relationship with God not just being one way- but we show each other grace and love. This shows us that even Jesus needed to feel loved before he was crucified. I wonder if Jesus needed this grace and devotion to be able to carry out his mission. To know that he wasn’t alone- Mary was one of the only people that believed what Jesus was prophesying was actually going to happen- she took it seriously and this is one of the ways she supported Jesus.

Nard or perfume was used to refresh and exhilarate- mary wanted to give this to Jesus to strengthen him on his journey. Later in the Bible, we are called co-heirs with Christ and here I think is another example of how God asks us to join God in this mission, to achieve this goal. Mary was one of the only people to actually join Jesus in this journey. Not for her own gain like Judas but for the benefit of Jesus.

I personally really like the intimacy of this moment between Jesus and Mary. Such a special moment- involving her own tears, a precious even extravagant prop like perfume which will hold a memory in its Fragrance. Fragrance has been shown to help us be present in the moment. Can you recall those smells that somehow conjure up the memories of those no longer with you or of those experiences that were meaningful to you? Ceresa, you told me how you used to remember every day after school, you would come home to the smell of some delicious baked goods that your mom would make. I wonder if certain smells bring you back into your childhood. Or on the other hand- Cara last Sunday when Sam refreshened the church you told me that smell would have caused you to lets say empty your stomach while you were pregnant- conjuring up maybe not joyful memories but memories nonetheless of the days when you would ride the metro as first-time mom with a severe case of morning sickness. I can still remember my grandmother when I get a whiff of her perfume from someone walking by. I’m not even sure what perfume she wore but every once in a while I will get a whiff of it and will have a clear picture of her in my mind- more so than a story could bring about. It brings you right back into a moment in time- a fragrant moment. This ritual served many purposes- one of which was to be grounded in this moment- to create a moment to be recalled in the future. And of course, it is Mary- always so brave, she does what should be done despite what others think or the backlash she will receive. Jesus needed this- she needed this.

Part of the tension of this story is the underlying notion that the perfume should have been used in a more practical or better way. And there is also this sense that helping the poor is more important than Jesus and Mary having this moment. The tension that there is always something more important to do- why can’t being present- giving someone what they need be the most important thing? So frustrating- it’s a constant battle to never feel at ease that this is where you are supposed to be for however long and there is absolutely nothing more important than that. How can we feel confident like Mary in our decision to do something we know is needed when we know others won’t understand while people are dying and wars are happening and our children are hurting. And yet Jesus says- they- whoever is hurting will always be with you. Jesus whose sole being is for those who are hurting still says- this moment here is important- the hurting will be there when you are done- that is not a reason not to be in this moment.

For someone who likes to cross a lot of things off a list this does not sound productive and yet maybe it’s the most productive thing we can do. Even if we find ourselves in a moment where we are being present- are we not thinking about what else we have to do that day or feeling guilty we are “wasting” so much time. Even at the hospital as a chaplain, they didn’t want our visits to be more than 15 minutes each- they said they wanted quality spiritual and pastoral care but at the end of the day you had to log all your visits and the more you had the better- always. There was never any indication from your bosses that you making a connection with someone over the course of an hour was a better way to spend your time than seeing 4 patients in that hour- and this is the one profession where “success” should look like spending quality time- where numbers shouldn’t matter. It’s hard for me to think of a space in society where quality and presence is praised more than anything else.

This is very frustrating for me. This idea that guilt or pressure or negative thoughts follow you and heckles you every time you attempt to slow down and be present. It’s exhausting and just not good. I understand there is a lot to do. A lot a lot. But before his death, when there was so much to do, Jesus takes time to be with one of his closest friends and allows himself to be in that place, accepting that grace and receiving that love. He praises Mary for doing what she should in that moment- slowing down, performing a ritual, allowing for mutuality to take place, and being in the moment. I wholeheartedly believe in being in the moment and yet I can’t seem to do it peacefully.

Annie Dillard has this beautiful quote about the importance of how your order your days and what you fill your life with matters deeply. As structured beings, it’s important for us to make space to slow down- to be present. This is what she says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing. A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days. It is a scaffolding on which a worker can stand and labor with both hands at sections of time. A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order—willed, faked, and so brought into being; it is a peace and a haven set into the wreck of time; it is a lifeboat on which you find yourself, decades later, still living.”

My spiritual director would tell me to schedule in quiet time- or time to be creative or time to order my thoughts because if I didn’t schedule it, it wouldn’t happen. It’s taken a lot of work to see this 2-hour block on my schedule as an important part of my week- not as a waste of time or a free block. How do we learn to see value in something, society sees no value in?

At the end of the day, who are we looking at to tell us “well done, my good and faithful servant? If it is society then yes it makes sense not to slow down- we would not get a pat on the back for that- in fact, we would be reprimanded and many of you probably have been in one way or another. But if at the end of the day we want to know what God thinks then maybe our priorities should shift.  How much time that day did we spend meeting a need, forming a connection, and slowing down enough to be present in this space and time God has given us? If that was the checklist to be evaluated, how would you do? I know it’s difficult to decide to spend your time in a way that your values would approve of rather than the ones society has set for you, but maybe this is part of the burden Jesus warns us we would have to carry. This tension, this strength to go against the grain- to have the courage to act in a way that others will disagree with. Mary shows us an example of how to stay focused on what’s important and stay true to the goal. What are some tiny ways you feel like you can start living into your values that are in tension with those enforced on you by society or your career or your community? How can we lesson or learn to live with this tension of slowing down in a culture that is moving faster and faster by the day? One practical way I think we can do this is literally scheduling in quiet time, time for someone else, time to be present. Find out what is a reasonable amount of time and put it on your calendar each week and commit to saying no to anything that asks for that time. See what may come from doing this week after week.