How does suffering or lack of suffering affect us?

Luke 15:11b-34

Do you ever wonder why you do certain things? Like afterward, you are like “why on earth did I do that or think that was a good idea?” On Wednesdays, Jon works late so I had a couple hours to read my book before he got home and the book I was reading was called three sisters- a beautifully written book about 3 sisters surviving the holocaust. It goes into painful detail about the horrors and suffering they experienced- I actually really like and appreciate this genre but this was probably my 4th book on the holocaust in the last few months so it was feeling heavy. I mean the author writes in such a way that you can’t not feel the pain. And then Jon was coming home so I got dinner ready, we ate and then we settled in to watch a show we were watching together- a show on the life of Robert  Durst- who if you don’t know who that is is a suspected serial killer who dismembered one of his victims. This as well is also very intriguing and well done. But after we watched an episode, I thought to myself why did I just spend the last few hours entertaining myself with true horror stories- that can’t be good for my brain or my mental health- and this is all in addition to watching the current horror stories on the news.

This scripture today – the infamous prodigal son-is like the poster boy parable of the Bible- people who aren’t even religious get this reference. But I think because we have heard it so many times it falls on deaf ears. So I just wanted to point out a couple of things that maybe we don’t think about right off the bat. 1st- this son didn’t just decide to go do his own thing and find his own way. Sure he wandered but he legit wasted his inheritance and not on like a hopeful entrepreneurial opportunity but it says he spent it on prostitutes and wild living- insert drinking, partying- maybe drugs if this was present day. And he squandered it so much he wound up homeless, scraping for food. If we put this in a modern context, most parents would be angry- sure happy that their child was safe and back at home but their child did not respect the hard work it took the parents to make that money for them to spend it on such foolish things. It’s disrespectful and inconsiderate. But the father doesn’t even give a lecture first before saying he’s glad the son is home- he was waiting and hoping the son would come home and once home- no questions asked. He barely allowed time for the son to repent because he knew his returning home was repentance- the father wasn’t trying to make this any harder for his son after what he had been through. He was simply grateful he was home. That’s a level of grace and mercy that is hard to comprehend. The other thing we don’t think about is how easily the father just gave the inheritance to his younger son- I’m sure he knew his son’s personality and maturity level but again he didn’t lecture him about how to use it or remind him what’s at stake- he simply lets the son do as he wishes. The father here representing God shows 2 major characteristics- 1. God does not try and control us- God lets us live our lives as we please- God trusts us with our own lives and respects the decisions we make regardless of whether they are good for us or not. 2. God values being in relationship with us more than the harm we have done- God’s concern that we are safe overshadows the mistakes we have made.

The question that comes to my mind when I read this scripture is, Who is the gospel for? Who will this God make all the difference in the world to? Well, this text says, Those who squander their inheritance on prostitutes? Funny last week when we talked about Hosea, God was for the prostitute and today for those who are paying for them- but in a more broad sense- it is also all Those who are lost, those who make bad decisions, those who mess up, those who feel they are disappointments, who feel they don’t live up to their parent’s standards. The celebration isn’t given to the one that never left- the celebration is given to the one that had returned home.

When I think about what the church was intended to be I think it probably looks pretty close to a homeless camp, a rehab, a mental health facility, a prison, a get-together for the LGBTQIA community. I think it’s probably chaotic and messy- lots of trauma and bad behaviors and despair. Passages like the one we read today and almost all in the new testament are proponents of the church being for the outcast, the reject, the one who is different- who society says can’t measure up. I’m not saying we all don’t need God- we do but I’ve only been in a couple churches where I could look around and say yeah this is a bunch of rejects.

At a church, I served in Pittsburgh when I was giving my first sermon ever- I had a drunk man from the back yelling at me during it- loudly- that was probably the purest form of church I have yet to experience and it felt good. It felt real. The church is for all people but I think the “younger brothers” of the world are the ones that the church connects with or gives life to the most.

I, on the other hand, am the older brother in this story- as a 31-year-old white woman married to a man, both of us with master’s degrees, we have a dog, a baby on the way, good jobs, good supportive families, retirement savings… I don’t feel that rejected by society, I don’t feel that lost, I don’t feel I have suffered much. I’m here chilling trying to be obedient with what I have. I’m the older brother. Are you the older brother or the younger brother in this story? Both we see become lost in different ways at different times in this parable.

The older brother starts to become the lost one when he starts the comparison game- why did my brother get grace like that and I didn’t? He’s so worried about himself and what is owed to him that he’s missing out on all the joy. His father’s joy and his brother’s joy are probably contagious- there is so much grace and love and it can’t even touch this brother because he’s so hard-hearted. He didn’t have to go through all that turmoil that his younger brother went through- he still has his inheritance, he didn’t have to have that troubled relationship with his family during those years, he didn’t have to scrounge for food or feel lost, he didn’t have to learn how to swallow his pride and humbly admit he was wrong. He’s so focused on what’s in it for him because he stayed-  he cant appreciate his lack of suffering- being safe and loved and never feeling like he didn’t belong. This is why the dad celebrates the younger son- the dad probably knew his son wasn’t as in good of hands as if he had stayed but the dad had to let him go and learn for himself. The son was starving, working too hard, isolated and lonely. The dad celebrated that the son didn’t have to go through this anymore.

What do we miss out on because we are so focused on what other people did or didn’t get? The grace they received. How are we focused on how others people’s lives turned out that we miss our own blessings before us?

How do we celebrate other people well? When I got pregnant I was nervous to tell some people that I either knew were having fertility problems or their spouses did not want children. I understood that it would be hard for them to be happy for me given their own situation but to my surprise, all 3 of these people were actually the happiest for me. All 3 were the only 3 that cried,  well apart from my mother-in-law- it was as if this news was more meaningful to them because they understood how special it was. They were just happy that if they couldn’t have it that someone they loved could. They were beautiful moments of seeing how joy can overcome our own situations. They weren’t being polite- they honestly felt joy… some of us may ask how? It almost sounds like a superpower- that despite what is happening in your life when good things come to those you love- it enhances your life as well. We’d have a much better chance at life satisfaction that’s for sure.  

How do we step outside of ourselves? Reading all those books from the holocaust actually helps me to understand this- the Robert durst series- that was just entertainment- it’s hard to learn empathy lessons from a psychopath. But this book I just finished- 3 sisters- all 3 sisters end up surviving- 2 of them were in the camps for 3 years and 1 was in there for only 1 year. The second half of the book after they survive explores the guilt and grief they feel going forward. All 3 girls end up marrying and their husbands all go through stages of feeling guilty that their suffering was not as bad as their wives. To the sisters they don’t get this guilt- to them to suffer is to suffer- they would never want someone to experience what they did and they feel better that they didn’t. This is also the theme of the sister that was in Auschwitz for only 1 year compared to the 3 years. She has such guilt she could not have been there for her sisters but they try to tell her that knowing she wasn’t there was the only way they survived. Knowing she wasn’t suffering the same those years gave them hope. Their suffering didn’t cause them to want other people to suffer- They want people’s lives to be easy.

It seems that those who suffer usually have this outlook unless their suffering has caused them to be bitter. But this is a different outlook than that of the older brother- I wonder if because he hasn’t suffered, I mean really suffered- he feels he suffering because his brother was shown a grace that he himself didn’t need-  that he wants his brother to suffer- I wonder if this entitlement that he mistakes for suffering is what makes it hard for him to be truly happy. It doesn’t always happen this way but often it seems that those who feel entitled to have it good are more likely to play this comparison game- to question the little ways people have it better. Surprisingly the people I know who have less than me seem pretty content or if they have frustrations it’s never about an individual that has it better than them. They are focused on themselves and their own situation.  I include myself in the entitled group- not even in a negative way but in a realistic way- if I really think about it I think I have the belief that things should be as easy for me as they are for others if not more so. And when they are not, I ask why. Where does this belief come from? That I deserve as much as the next person? And maybe we all deserve as much as the next person but to let the realization that you have less impact on your capacity to have joy for others and lessen your own experience of joy doesn’t seem to serve us well.

Does your suffering cause you to feel others should suffer too or does it cause you to be happy for those who haven’t gone through what you went through? Has the suffering you have experienced come from a purely outside place or has some of it come from within? What keeps us from being happy for those who needed grace and received it? Why do we get angry when we didn’t even need that grace in the first place- shouldn’t we instead be grateful? It’s not like they stole it- there’s enough to go around and we should be happy we didn’t need it. How has your entitlement that you deserve things caused you to miss out on some joy? If you are like me, you identify as the older brother which has the potential to bypass a lot of struggles in life but at the same time has the strong temptation or possibility of turning that good fortune into entitlement and causing you to miss out on a lot of joy for yourself and others. This time around this parable taught me to be wary of how comparing myself to others could rob me of more than I may realize. Amen.

Are you willing to change?

Luke 13: 1-9

When I worked at the VA, a very common thought that I had encountered from the veterans was that they believed the suffering they were experiencing was karma- or due to them. They believed this was punishment for something they had done in their life. To them, this was a fact- the way things worked. I tried to debunk this belief- this kind of keeping score mentality but to believe the opposite that there is no keeping score- especially with God is many times too good to be true for some. The idea that no matter what you have done- you are still as loved as the next person and that God doesn’t wish harm or punishment on you because of something you’ve done- doesn’t fit in with the world we know- especially if you’ve spent time in a culture where ranking is important. The question becomes- Where’s the retribution? This too-good scenario doesn’t come with retribution so it’s hard to get on board. You see, With God if you repent, there is none.

In our scripture today- in the first part we see it clearly stated that suffering does not come to those who sin more- Jesus doesn’t say why suffering comes but it’s not based on how much you messed up. In this scripture is where we start to understand that sin is not rated- sin is not judged on the severity- in this way sin is equal. Now Jesus does make a big point to say- that repentance here is a must.

In our Bible study group right now we are going through the book of Hosea. If you don’t know much about Hosea- in a nutshell, it uses a metaphor where there is a man Hosea who God tells to marry a prostitute Gomer- Gomer, does not know how to love this way- a committed, vulnerable, love outside of just the physical so time and time again she leaves and goes back to her ways and cheats on her husband. Hosea continues to bring her back into relationship with him despite how hurt he is. This metaphor is meant to show the relationship between God and Israel. God wants to be in a committed relationship with Israel but because we don’t know how to love like that- we leave- we worship other idols. God continually takes us back- but God asks that we repent of our unfaithfulness. This is a major theme in the book. God is angry- More than that God is hurt and God can only forgive those he is in covenant with if they repent of the hurt they have done. So this is obviously a major part of reconciliation for God. Reconciliation is possible but it’s a process, one that involved repentance so what exactly is repentance. It’s more than just saying one is sorry, that they will try and do better. I personally think the word sorry is so overused- it’s lost its meaning because we say it without thinking. When we are kids we are taught to say it because it’s the right thing to do- kids say it even when they don’t feel remorse because their parents make them or they know it’s the fastest way out of the situation they find themselves in. And we grow up and think the same way. We say sorry when we aren’t sorry and we don’t say it when we are. Apologizing without action doesn’t mean much. We can be remorseful of our actions but that doesn’t mean that thing will stop happening. Gomer can be remorseful that she keeps cheating on Hosea but unless that remorse evokes a change in behavior, you have to wonder how strong the remorse is. I know it gets complicated when we bring in things we feel we can’t control like addiction or anger issues or things someone might not be able to change on their own. But I think that’s why repentance is more than a sorry- It’s an understanding of why their actions were hurtful and a change in mindset or even to change the inner man. It shows that to be in relationship with each other- to learn how not to hurt each other we must change. If your behavior is hurting someone, then sometimes you need to learn to change- ask for help- work to make yourself healthier for the other person. So why does God care so much? In all the scripture when God is angry it seems the anger dissipates after repentance happens. I wonder if God cares so much not because it’s about someone admitting they are wrong- this is often what we think of- but that because God knows the only way we can learn how to love each other well is if we are willing to change, if we are willing to become healthier- if we are willing to learn how to think differently, act differently. Like Gomer because she had been taught love looked like a transaction- that she was only worth what she could give and that love wasn’t loyal or faithful or trusting- she would have to learn to think about love differently and show love differently if her marriage with Hosea was going to work. It wasn’t just the cheating that was getting in the way of having a loving marriage- it was that she simply did not know how to let Hosea love her and she didn’t know how to be loved but more importantly she didn’t know how to love herself. It was easier for her to avoid vulnerability, dependability, the process of trusting, letting go of control, and all the things involved in marriage. Gomer had to change in order to be in this committed relationship- she had to repent of what she knew so Hosea could teach her a different way. This is what God asks of us- to repent of the ways of the world- the things we are taught that will keep us from understanding God’s love fully. Like the veterans- they can’t grasp that there is no ranking system of punishment based on behavior- that God loves all people equally and God does not wish that they pay for their sins. For many of the vets I saw- it will take a long time to unlearn some of these beliefs and thoughts.  The word Repentance at least for me, makes me cringe sometimes- it feels very shaming and demanding. I wonder if we begin to think about repentance as it actually is- a change of our inner selves- a desire from God for us to do so so that we can be reconciled, if we would have a better understanding of God and why we should want to do this. Reframing this word can reframe God from being a harsh demanding God to a God that pleas with us to be willing to do the work to be in relationship with him, others, and ourselves. A God that wills us to love ourselves so we can know how to love others.

In the second part of the scripture, I think we see a similar lesson. This is a tough story to interpret. The fig tree isn’t bearing any fruit- for 3 years and it should have by now. But the fig tree, it’s not like it has the ability to just decide to bear fruit- its bearing fruit is contingent on the sun, the rain, the soil… all things out of the control of the fig tree. And yet the tree is being threatened to be torn down for things out of its control. What’s the meaning here? If we look at the tree being cut down as this tree’s suffering then it shows that the tree might suffer not because of anything it did or didn’t do but because of external factors- situations out of its control- like the weather. I’m not saying this is the sole reason suffering comes upon people- we all know people who have brought suffering upon themselves but there are certainly people who have suffered that didn’t deserve it.

What if like the vineyard caretaker, God tries to give us more time, God tries to hold the suffering off- sometimes maybe it works- sometimes maybe the fig tree bears fruit in that 4^th year, and sometimes maybe it doesn’t and the suffering does come. In this story the caretaker had empathy for the fig tree, he wanted to give it more time to produce its fruit and avoid the suffering. I’m not sure what came of the fig tree but we see here that God is empathetic and God does not want us to suffer. Both the first and second parts of the scripture today show how God’s grace overpowers all else- in the first part God’s grace overpowers sin with forgiveness and in the second part Gods, grace overpowers the idea that we have to provide something or be something for God in order for us to be worthy.

God calls us to repentance but God is also patient with us- trying to help us get there. Giving us chance after chance to get it right.

So as a community can we help each other get it right? Every Sunday we read together a confession- We put apart time to become aware of the things we need to repent of. Again not in a commanding way but in a way that helps us to love one another better. Like other forms of liturgy like the call to worship or the Lord’s prayer- you may recite this without much thought so used to the order of worship. But in encouraging you to remember we don’t say it because that’s what you do- we say it because there is a reason- because there is no other set apart time in our week where we become aware of where missed the mark. I’m not naïve enough to think that many of you aren’t up at night tossing and turning because you are overanalyzing all you have done wrong or might have done wrong or blaming yourselves too harshly. This time of confession isn’t that- it’s not a time to beat up on yourself and feel bad about yourself- this is a time to actively work on becoming better- not feeling shame or guilt- but as a chance to move forward, to start again. This is you saying to God and thus all humans okay let’s keep working on this relationship because it’s worth it. This is a time of release- confessing the things you wish could have gone differently and a time of being empowered that you can make progress and that with just the confession you have already started.

When you come to this time of confession, you find mercy and grace. Daughter, when you go to confession, to this fountain of My mercy, the Blood and Water which came forth from My Heart always flows down upon your soul and ennobles it. Every time you go to confession, immerse yourself in My mercy, with great trust, so that I may pour the bounty of My grace upon your soul. When you approach the confessional, know this, that I Myself am waiting there for you. I am only hidden by the priest, but I myself act in your soul. Here the misery of the soul meets the God of mercy. Tell souls that from this fount of mercy souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust. If their trust is great, there is no limit to My generosity. The torrents of grace inundate humble souls. The proud remain always in poverty and misery, because My grace turns away from them to humble souls. –St. Faustina, Divine Mercy in My Soul

It’s not too late

Luke 13:31-35

Have you ever felt like you were too late? Too late to fix something or too late to make an appointment or too late to make your flight. Too little too late…I’m thinking of all the rom-com plots of the one that got away- my favorite being my best friend’s wedding with Julia Roberts- she was indeed too little too late but she really gave it her all and she didn’t quit until the very end. I’m thinking of when you’re running after the bus hoping the driver will see you in the rearview and stop- I’ve been there- have you? I’m thinking of when a friend missed her flight- not because she was late to the airport but because she was late to boarding because she wasn’t paying attention- maybe that’s been you? I’m also thinking though of all the times when you thought it was too late but it wasn’t. When I was so sure I would run out of gas because my tank has been on empty for a pretty long time but I make it to the gas station or when you’re going to be late for a meeting but it turns out so is the other person so they don’t know you were late. Or the time when I was really sure I was going to miss my flight. My friend Erin agreed to drive me to the airport and she was going to come to my house to pick me up. She got there late which was unsettling but not the end of the world. Turns out she was late though because being the animal lover that she is- she saw a bird lying in the snow on her drive over. She felt so bad for it she stopped and asked the neighbor for a shoebox and she rescued this bird. Well by the time I got in the car- this bird was beginning to dethaw and come time life a little more- and it was not necessarily a small bird. It became more and more apparent the bird was strong enough to escape from the box and was going to do so. So during our ride, I kept climbing to the back of the car- slightly terrified by the newly awakened bird- to make sure it couldn’t get out of the box. Well because we were so distracted we didn’t realize we were running out of gas and wouldn’t make it to the airport without stopping. At this point, I am getting nervous because we are pretty late and I was already cutting it close. It took us 2 different gas stations to finally get the gas and when we got to the airport is when my plane was boarding. I rushed through security and to my gate- running like one of those crazy people in an airport and luckily for me the flight attendants were holding the flight and said I was last to arrive. As I got on the plane I breathed a sigh of relief and also embarrassment as the whole plane was watching me. I will never let my friend live that down but I am reminded that sometimes when you think you are too late you are not.

In today’s scripture, It is interesting here that it’s the Pharisees are the ones warning Jesus of his impending death. In the rest of Lukes’s gospels along with the other ones the Pharisees are painted in a picture as wanting to destroy or plot against Jesus but here it seems they are trying to help him. If we look deeper though it becomes apparent that the Pharisees are not trying to help Jesus- they just have a new angle- the Pharisees are encouraging Jesus to abandon his mission and save himself. They are playing towards the selfish, fearful side of man- forget your mission and save yourself- who wouldn’t be tempted to do that when faced with death. But because they don’t understand Jesus, they don’t realize that, unlike an ordinary man, Jesus is not afraid and Jesus will follow through on his mission to redeem humanity at the cost of his own life. The Pharisees are staying true to their character as well.

Jesus doesn’t shy away from the challenges ahead of him. Jesus responds by calling Herod a fox- the sly, cunning leader that he is and he tells the Pharisees that he will continue doing his work until he is done- he will continue to press on unphased. I admire the courage it must have taken Jesus to continue in this task that to everyone else seemed impossible, foolish even. This past week, we celebrated  International women’s day- a day to honor the courage women demonstrate to face hardship for the hope of change.

Women have been facing daunting challenges since the beginning of time- challenges that would have been much easier to walk away from. We don’t go after small feats, we go after big ones. The theme this year for international women’s day is Gender Equality today for a sustainable tomorrow. Gender inequality coupled with the climate crisis is one of the greatest challenges of our time. It poses threats to ways of life, livelihoods, health, safety, and security for women and girls around the world. The theme is not one of the many inconsistencies between male and female rights- equal pay, equal money in medical research, the problem of women’s safety and sexual harassment, and on and on- no the theme is not just about benefiting women- it is about benefitting the world. It is taking on an issue that we have been aware of for a long time- an issue that I would guess many of us feel is too big and too far gone so we kind of pretend it’s not there or that we can’t really help all that much. And yet for those who climate change affects the most- they are saying we are going to do something about this for everyone because we can. Sounds like Jesus- bringing redemption well because he can.

In the scripture we read today it seems as though Jeusus’ time is up, Herod is on the hunt for him. Jesus isn’t worried. It might seem too late but it’s not too late. Despite all the harrowing statistics and observations of how climate change will affect our world, those at the UN who created this year’s theme don’t think it’s too late- don’t think that this isn’t something women can tackle and make a real change in. They are inspired not defeated.

It’s not too late- even though Jerusalem will turn its back on Jesus and he will be killed like the prophets before him as he predicted- it wasn’t too late. With God, it’s not too late.

It’s not too late. What does that mean to you? What comes to mind?  It’s not too late to right a wrong or to change your perspective about things. It’s not too late to change a potential outcome especially if that outcome is influenced by the way you think. Are you convinced something is going to go a certain way because it’s been that way for so long or that’s how it always goes? What if it’s not too late for things to be different. To anyone that has eyes, it seems like Jesus was too late- he was crucified- what says too late other than death? But death isn’t the end to Jesus’ story and it goes to show that what appears to be isn’t always what actually is. Maybe whatever you feel like is too late does involve death but I don’t think that makes it too late. Maybe whatever your too late is feels impossible but Jesus shows us that nothing is impossible. Do you feel it’s too late to get that closure? It’s too late to accomplish what you wanted? It’s too late to change your mind or your stance on an issue? It’s too late to change a situation. I think the most important it’s not too late topic is love. It’s not too late to feel like you are truly loved. It’s not too late to let that love in, in a way that heals. The mission Christ came to accomplish was to make it possible for everyone to know and feel that they are loved. I know we talk about this all the time and sometimes it feels like I’m beating a dead drum but I can’t go anywhere or see anything without being aware of someone who clearly hasn’t felt that love. We talk about this but we don’t believe it. Or if we believe it- it has limits.  

Lent is a time when we think of all the “what ifs” if Jesus didn’t defeat death, and gain redemption for all people. Today’s Scripture brings up a lot of “what ifs” if this didn’t happen. If the end was really the end- and death had won then would we have hope the way we have it? Would hope have the power that it does today? We know hope has the ability to change our personal lives and also our communal lives. If the end was the end, would we have the courage to make change happen? Where or what would our courage come from? What good would courage do if it just ended in defeat every time? If the end was really the end, then it really would be too late. Too late to know and feel that love that God gives. Too late to be able to give it. The magic of these gospel stories is not whether or not they really happened- the magic is that they show us what’s possible. They instill, hope, courage, possibility- of change, redemption. They give us a storyline to be a part of. This is the story- the prequel as you will to where our stories pick up- we read these stories to learn where we have already been, where we are called to pick the story up. It’s not too late to feel the love God has for you and it’s not too late to create change. It’s not too late to change your personal story and it’s not too late to be a part of God’s story.

One organization that does promotes that our stories can change and they can change the world, especially through women is girl rising. I encourage you to check them out if you are looking for ways to support women and the work they are doing in this world. On Girl Risings website it says, “One girl with courage can change the world”. This is what our gospel teaches us through Jesus- each one of us with courage can change the world. This is how God works in our world through minorities, women, children, through all of us believing it’s not too late to hope for a better world and make it happen. Jesus gave us the inspiration, the guideline, and promises to journey with us as we do. Amen.