Power of Sustaining

Scripture: Mark 1:9-15 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+1%3A9-15&version=NIV

Today’s sermon, to be honest, is kind of boring- it’s not juicy or charismatic or sexy or rebellious- its pretty simple and basic- although it’s not super thrilling, it’s this consistent, stable fodder that we will talk about today that keeps us going.

Today we are going to talk about the biblical understanding of the wilderness and while the wilderness itself is fascinating and mysterious and kind of terrifying- the takeaways are pretty straightforward. I went over and over this scripture to try and find some angle that was more attractive and enticing but I came up blank.

It is funny how as you get older and words like stability and consistency and reliability suddenly become attractive words. When I was younger, I wanted excitement all the time- I had a terrible case of FOMO, I wanted spontaneity and adventure. Now, I like plans and agendas and my idea of peace is when my vacation days line up perfectly with all the things I wanted to do and I feel this overwhelming sense that all is right with the world. I’m not sure when the switch occurred- when stability and some semblance of control became a comfort instead of a kill-joy, but it did. I don’t even have kids yet so I’m kind of scared to see myself in 10 years. There’s a part of me that still hopes to be a “fun mom” like the mom from Gilmore girls but after reading what I just read I really need to let that fantasy go.  All of that to say- my takeaway from today’s scripture is the power of sustaining. Sustaining hardship- long, tedious hardship, knowing you will get through it. And it’s without the promise that you will reap some big reward when you do- the reward is the sustaining. The reward is that you made it through. Right now to me, that doesn’t seem like much of a reward but maybe someday it will. Maybe like the switch between adventure and stability, there will be a switch between the reward for finishing the journey and the journey being the reward in itself.

In our scripture today we see Jesus get baptized by the HS and then immediately after that hear that he is driven by the same spirit into the wilderness to be tempted. The same spirit -baptizes him and drives him out into the wilderness. In the PCUSA- baptism is the symbol of welcoming someone into the community- they become a part of something- they are claimed by God and by this community of faith. They are given the identity of God’s child. Baptism is the symbol of bringing someone into belonging. The same spirit that brings Jesus into belonging in the very next instance sends Jesus out- sends him alone. To be tempted. It’s almost as if Jesus’ identity as God’s child was essential in him being able to resist temptation. It’s as if now that Jesus knows he is claimed by God and knows who he belongs to God, temptation doesn’t stand a chance. This awareness of being a child of God is what gives him the ability to sustain.

You all might be wondering what is this wilderness that the text is talking about? We think of wilderness and we think of forests and jungles and this idea of national parks or camping or training. In the Bible it was the desert- it was an isolated place with no food, no comfort, lots of heat. It was separate from the cities, politics, emperors. It was a symbol for “trial”. It was in the wilderness where people went to withdraw and run away from their problems or where they were sent to be transformed.  This idea of wilderness represents scarcity- material scarcity as in food, water, people but also mental scarcity in that it causes you to be isolated and alone with your thoughts. You are away from your community, from the influences of society and politics and you are forced to figure out who you are apart from all those things.  In the passage, we see today we see Jesus being tempted and more than that he was forced into temptation- it’s not like he made a series of poor decisions that landed him there. So why did Jesus need to be tempted? What’s the importance of tempting the son of God and what’s the importance of this happening directly after he’s been claimed by God?

I don’t want to shy away from these hard questions- questions surrounding “why would God cause suffering to someone”? These theodicy questions are the biggest obstacle to people reconciling their life experience to what they are taught is a loving God- and for good reason.

I am always hesitant to say I think God can put us through hard things to equip us for something. I’m hesitant because so many people use this as a catch-all whenever something bad is happening in their life.  We love answers so bad as a community we will take them even when they are really bad answers.  It’s a dangerous road to travel down- to start thinking that “everything happens for a reason” or ‘it’s part of God’s plan”. Your child being sick or your divorce or your loved one passing away is not a part of God’s plan. It’s part of reality but I don’t believe God created it to be this way. I think God works in the world to help us navigate this reality as best we can. So whatever bad thing is happening to you right now- it’s not God trying to better you for your own good. Now, is God using whatever hard thing is happening right now to help you learn more about yourself and the world so you can use that wisdom for yourself or others- absolutely. I think that’s part of the hope and joy of believing in God. If there were no God, bad things would be just that- bad things. But with God, bad things can serve a purpose for growth and connection, and empathy.

But this doesn’t really help us in today’s passage. We have to ask the question of why  If God does not want us to suffer just for the sake of it then what is the point of the wilderness.

Most often The wilderness is seen as transformational. A lot of important things we see happen in the Bible are in cities and the public but it is in the wilderness that transformation happens. It is here that Identity is secured. In baptism we are given identity, in the wilderness is where we secure it. In the wilderness, an emptying out happens- you are stripped of the things you would normally fill yourself with and now there is a hole inside you waiting to be filled. If you are willing and open to it- it’s in the wilderness that this hole is filled by God. This isn’t a literal hole. I have had people come to me saying there is something wrong with them because they can’t hear God speaking in their lives-because so often we are taught to listen to Gods voice- there’s nothing wrong with those people because it’s not an audible voice- you have to figure out how God metaphorically speaks to you in your own unique way. Similarly with the hole- What does it look like for you, in particular, to be filled with God. It doesn’t mean that your chest is going to be lit up like a halo because God has taken up shop inside you.  I think for many of us it might be as simple as remembering our values and our worth and the gifts we have for the world now that we are away from distraction. It might be simple but it is not easy.  

So often we act like the Bible is so hard to relate to-the other day I sent my brother a scripture about something that he had mentioned and he wrote back “it’s been a while since I read scripture and first glance it looks like a foreign language and in some ways it is. But sometimes, the Bible is actually a lot more relatable than we might realize. For instance,  covid is a great example of a modern-day wilderness.

Covid -just that word alone brings so many feelings and words to mind. I can say Covid and you know I mean an experience- not just merely a disease. It’s all-encompassing of pandemic, quarantine, death, sickness, grief, uncertainty, fear, sadness. Covid is isolating, lonely, we feel stranded from everything that filled us up.  The thought of spending 2 weeks alone with your thoughts and no other distractions is terrifying for a lot of people. People have questioned their friendships, their relationships, their sanity. Covid has been the ultimate temptation for tricking us into believing that we are not connected- that we are alone. This is dangerous- the gospel’s ultimate message is that connection is what keeps us going- connection is what gives us identity. We belong to ourselves, God, and each other. We are here to enjoy God and creation and journey alongside our fellow people. When this is threatened- everything we know is threatened. But it is at this point of surrendering that we can choose to reject these conclusions. It is at this point that God’s claim on us reminds us that we are always connected to God and our community. It’s this realization that gives us the strength to own our truth and understanding of the world. This is God’s sustaining power- that we belong to God.

The wilderness lasts much longer than we expected. It pushes our limitations and eventually, we are forced to surrender. We surrender to our weakness, to our darkness, to our inability to achieve perfection no matter how hard we try. This surrendering though is not giving up-it is actually a fighting for. In surrendering that we cannot be perfect or always be strong or have control over everything- in surrendering that we do indeed feel overwhelmed with anxiety and hopelessness and fear- we free ourselves of this weight. We become free enough to discover a new way of being in the world. A way of being with God, a way of understanding it is with the help of God not on our own that we can find what we are looking for. Relief, patience, resilience.

Once we surrender then we are reminded of our identity in our baptism- we belong to God. When we remember this identity claim we can withstand any wilderness. The wilderness is this barren place but it is also a place where God provides, not in abundance but in enough to get us through. In the OT God sent down manna from the sky every day- it was this breadlike substance for food. God would send just enough for each day and the Israelites had to trust that God would provide for them. Once they tried hoarding- they tried to save it so that they could be in control of it but then they discovered that it went bad by the next day. The only way to survive was to trust that God would sustain them. God provided for them clothes and sandals that never wore out. The wilderness was difficult but they were given everything they needed in order to survive.

So if we apply what we know about the wilderness to our own covid wilderness experience we can rest assured that we can trust God to provide what we need to make it through. We also see that it is essential for us to remember that we children of God and this identity will sustain us when we don’t believe we can make it any longer.

One of the amazing things about this God is God doesn’t put us through experiences or trials that God wouldn’t do himself- what if Jesus went through the wilderness to show us that you will get through it. That He has been there and so he knows what you are going through. As living proof that God will sustain you.  Jesus stood strong in his identity as the son of God and would not waiver from that for anything the devil offered him.

Maybe this covid wilderness can help us re-claim our identity as a loved child of God. Maybe this understanding of belonging gives us the strength to resist the temptation to go negative or give into the feeling of helplessness. Maybe this isolated time away from everything we know, will allow us to remember who we are and where we come from, to remember what’s important and what matters. Maybe in the emptiness we feel, we let God fill us up. We learn more what it means to trust God and lean on God and go to God for comfort. Maybe it’s an opportunity to return to God.

Amen.

Listening as Sacrament

Mark 9:2-9

This is a pretty interesting story- this is one of the stories that parallels a story in the old testament. In Deuteronomy we see Moses go up to a mountain- it says it becomes covered with clouds and god came to him in this cloud through a voice and through this received the 10 commandments. In this story today we hear of Jesus ( the final prophet) go up to the mountain with Peter, James and John and there they see Moses and Elijah (also prophets) and Jesus transfigured in all his glory. Then God says- this is my son whom I love, listen to him”. Because of the parallel of this story I would go so far as to say this word from God is another commandment for us. The command to Listen. Also because Hindsight is 20/20. We learn a lot about God and Jesus from the mistakes the characters made in the Bible- essentially, what not to do. Time and time again the disciples do not do a good job of listening- Jesus rebukes them over and over again for not understanding what he’s saying,… and from this we can see how important it is to listen.

 What does this command-Listen to him mean?

I never used to be a big fan of the OT because it is so out there at times and hard to understand and it felt like a world I could not relate to at all. But as I learned more and I saw how the OT is a bridge to the NT and how the unconditional love we see in the NT is actually prophesied by in the OT I began to take more of an interest and really like it. It can seem like the OT and NT often contradict themselves and they do but when you put them together it’s like a really intricate puzzle. I don’t think we can fully see the beauty of the NT without understanding the role of the OT. So I am going to attempt to put two of the puzzle pieces together with this passage.

 The 10 commandments are very black and white, right? It’s simple- just don’t do them.  These commandments have become a metaphor or symbol in some ways about how Christians are so focused on the rules or commandments that it actually causes us to not love each other. And this perception is not wrong- that happens. We know we are supposed to follow them but do we know what they really mean? What does it mean to honor your father and mother? A parent would say it means don’t talk back? Is that what it means? I’m not sure but I do know we make them mean what we want them to mean. Or take the “Do not take the Lords name in Vain” does it really mean don’t say oh my God or does it mean don’t use God and gods teaching to manipulate people for your own agenda? Maybe it’s not black and white. Maybe in the NT Jesus comes to help clear it up.

Some may say he came to make it messier but I would say he came to make us more human. Jesus teaches us to humanize people before faulting them which I guess then causes the mess or what I am going to call the grey. Jesus reminds us that maybe the law is not so much about following it perfectly every time but more about the essence of the law. In fact I think Jesus’ point is if you get the essence of the law your less likely to go against it. Another way of thinking about it is you know when you were a kid and you asked your parent for something and they said no and you said why and they said- because I said so. I get why parents do this- kids ask so many questions but this isn’t explaining to them the why. They are not understanding that you are trying to protect them or keep them safe or are looking out for their own good.

The NT tells us the why. Love. We follow rules and laws to love one another well. And here in this text today the new law- is to listen. To listen to someone is to love them well.  In my research I saw someone call this Holy Listening- the unspoken sacrament and it really spoke to me. Before this I was being trained as a mental health chaplain at the VA in Pittsburgh. In order to get certified as a chaplain you need to do 1600 hours of CPE- clinical pastoral education which is like these intense classes where we dissect our experiences in the hospital. In this class as well as in my seminary classes we talked about listening as a sacrament- as sacred. We were listening to our patients not just to hear the person but to make them feal heard. To make them feel understood. To make them feel like they belong. When I worked in the Rehab there I had the patients do an activity around learning how to tell their story. Grown men and women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50’s have never told their story and I believe it is mostly because they are terrified no one will listen.

Holy listening- the unspoken sacrament. 

What does it mean to practice listening as a sacrament? A sacrament is the visible reality of God as well a channel to God’s grace- in the presbyterian church we have baptism and communion. If we were to unofficially add this as a sacrament that’s pretty high order but if we look at Jesus’s life and we hear how often we are told to listen to Jesus- seems like listening would be an appropriate visible sign of Gods reality and a channel of grace.

How often do we just want people to listen to us- most of us respond to listening with “fixing” but we don’t really want people to fix our problems we want them to listen. It’s in this act that we get what we need.  Jesus is not physically here anymore to listen to- but God is in each one of us and I think to listen to each other is to listen to Jesus.

It would also mean that we have to listen for God in all people. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with what they are saying but it means you have to believe that God is working in them and you listen for that part- you listen for the God in them. You listen for the same struggle, pain, sorrow in them that is in you.

We have to be willing to take in everything that is being said. We have to listen to understand, not to respond. We have to listen to what is being said beneath the audible words. We have to be willing to find Jesus in every person we encounter. In the Greek to listen often means to hear which means to understand connoting this awareness of really internalizing what was said.

I’m going to take this a step further though- I’m going to dip my toe in a little psychology for a minute. Those Veterans were scared their story was going to be rejected because of the shame within it. We all have shame. It’s this shame that keeps us from sharing. It’s shame that imprisons us within ourselves. It strips us of self-worth, connection, belonging and identity. One of the reasons I think psychology is so interesting is because it so closely parallels the teachings of Jesus. Guilt can be a motivator because guilt focuses on an action we made. Shame cannot be motivating because it focuses on identity. Guilt says, I did something bad. Shame says I am bad. Brene Brown is a famous shame and vulnerability researcher, author, podcaster. She claims that when someone talks about their shame they are talking themselves out of it . She says Shame is the swamp-land of the soul. You have to put on some goulashes and slosh around. I would say in order to talk about it, you need to have someone listen to it so  when someone listens to shame you are essentially “listening it out of someone”. She says shame is an epidemic in our culture and the way to find our way back to one another is to douse it in empathy because then it can’t survive.

I think Jesus would say guilt or conviction can be good because it helps us strive to be better but I think he came to rid us of shame. Jesus came to say that we are more than our mistakes and nothing we do can separate us from Gods love. I think Jesus listened to people- to the oppressed because in that listening he was releasing them of their shame. This is where the holy comes in- because listening to someone can change them. Listening to someone can give them self-worth and re-claim their identity.

So that is what I have been doing with all of you these past 2 weeks. I am listening to Idylwood Presbyterian Church. I am listening to learn the identity of this place- I don’t want to just know about Jacobs backpack and connect our kids- I want to internalize it so that I understand you. I want to hear the story you as a community have to tell and make you feel safe enough to tell it. I want to hear the joy and the shame. I want to hear why Dana Opp was beloved and referred to as the “backbone of this community”. I want to know why people half way across the world are still tuning in to this worship service. I want to know why the bell tower rope is broken and why there are an exorbitant number of cheese puffs in the kitchen. I want to listen to know. I want to listen to help you heal from wounds still open. I want to listen so I know where God is leading.

So far what I have gleaned is- IPC is made up of people who have had many personal struggles and have decided to have those struggles make them stronger. Not only have they decided because it is a choice but these struggles have inspired them to help others. IPC is made up of people who value community above all else, who are willing to be challenged, who can deal with change and have a huge motivation to do what it takes to sustain this community. You are curious, wanting to put your skills and privilege to good use in the world. You are hard workers and over achievers and at the same time down to earth and flexible. You are a community that has been through a lot yet yearns for more and wants to do it together. So thank you for inviting me into this community and I am honored to get to continue to listen to you.

Amen.

The Pain of Healing

Scripture: Mark 1:29-39

So when I was little, I used to talk. A lot. I talk a lot now but as a kid I didn’t have the social awareness I have now that tells me to you know, stop talking. I remember this time when I think my dad was watching some sports game- probably football and he was really into it. We are big Eagles fans by the way. Also I should mention that this is my recollection of what happened and could be completely different than what actually happened. But My dad was watching this sports game and I guess I would not stop talking as he was trying to pay attention so he told me I wasn’t allowed to talk for 5 whole minutes. Apparently this was too catastrophic for me because my mom said I came downstairs and was hyperventilating and crying saying “ I huff cant huff breath huff” all because my dad said I couldn’t talk for 5 minutes. And she had to get a paper bag for me to breath into.  I really valued my ability to speak as you can tell. Now I don’t remember this other than the stories I was told about it but it sounds like at the time I felt like the world was ending. It was not, I just had a flair for drama. I want to make light of this story though because its funny and shows some aspects of who I still am but I want to point out that sometimes when we think a traumatic thing is happening like my 5 year old self did, it’s not and when we don’t think something traumatic is happening, sometimes it is.

We are all experiencing whether we realize it or not a collective trauma both over the Covid-19 Pandemic and the Racial injustice/poltical unrest happening in our country- we have lost loved ones to covid-19, we have made ourselves sick with worry that we will spread it to those we love. We have been in social isolation, political divisiveness, tried to our limits, we have felt guilt and pain and loss over those we see being unjustly oppressed. We are confused and shamed and uncertain about how to make it right. We don’t know what to say or do or what to think or how to act.

When I read scripture, I really try and figure out what it is trying to say. If today’s passage is essentially about healing (and mind you there can be many take aways from a single passage but healing is one of them) and if this is healing of physical and mental distress- then what does it mean for Jesus to heal us from these afflictions? In this passage we see he heals through touch, we see prayer is an important component but the last thing he says is- “Lets’ go somewhere else- to the nearby villages- so I can preach there also” and they key line comes next- “ that is why I have come”. This line tells me to pay attention- Together these last two lines tell me he has come to preach and it seems like from the beginning of the passage that his preaching brings healing.

So what does Jesus preach? What is so healing about his teachings? I have thought about this a lot over the last few months with everything going on in our country. We as a people are in need of so much healing- collectively and individually. One article I read really stood out to me and started to answer this “what does healing look like” question because even though this article wasn’t written with any faith teachings in mind it talked about this idea of repentance or what they called not being in denial and this is an important component in Jesus teaching. The article, Titled, “Denial is the Heart Beat of America” written by Ibram Kendi- the author of how to be an anti-rascist which is a great book if you have not already read it starts off with a bunch of quotes from prominent figures saying that what happened at the Capital building “was not who we are”- these were statements saying we are better than this. Kendi in this article, however argues that actually- this is exactly who we are and until we can own that and repent of that, we can’t move forward toward healing.

If we look to the relationships in our lives- if someone wrongs us, we can’t begin to reconcile until the wrong has been admitted to and asked for forgiveness. If it has been accepted, then at the point reconciliation can happen but not until then. Every Century of white American people have said “America is the best democracy in the world” while minorities were being oppressed in large numbers. We are a country that is in constant denial because don’t want to acknowledge our sins and our culpability in the reality of our country. We rather live in an idealized view of our nation and excuse ourselves of anything to the contrary.

In the Newsblast last week I wrote a devotional about how we as humans are separate from the “demons or sins” that live inside us. Our mistakes do not define who we are. This is true but in order for the distinction to be made- we need to be healed of these “demons” as the text calls them. While we can rest assured that Jesus sees us as more than our mistakes we still have a duty to be cleansed of them and start anew. I don’t think we need to say America is in its totality an oppressor but much of our history has showed that too be true and we need to acknowledge that and repent so that we can start a new.

To repent in Greek means to change one’s mind- to change the inner man. It is an action. A decision. It is an acknowledgement that they don’t believe that thing anymore or think that thing anymore. So often we think of repentance as the admitting of something we did wrong rather that the actual heart change where someone sees the damage caused and wishes not to repeat it. An example would be racism- how many times we see people apologize for being racist and yet they still believe white people are superior over black people or to take it further they might logically understand that we are equal but they are not willing to make the changes in their life to make it so.

The type of repentance that God calls us too is intense. It’s hard and uncomfortable and requires growth on our part. It requires change. Changing maybe even the parts you liked about yourself or admired if they are part of the problem.

You might be saying okay what does all of this have to do with healing. Well, I don’t really think of Jesus as a magician- I think his work was much more practical than that. I think that all of his teachings lead back to healing- to making us whole because when we are whole so is everyone else. We are either all broken or all whole- despite our obsession with individualization it doesn’t work that way. We are all dependent on each other. So I think Jesus’ moral code- isn’t because he wants to control how we live our lives but because he believes these guidelines will bring us healing and wholeness. I believe his teachings on acceptance, forgiveness, repentance so on and so forth are for the purpose of healing and wholeness- not because it’s the “right” thing to do. I truly believe God cares if we are happy and wants to bring healing to all.

Are we willing to see ourselves as we are, have we genuinely changed or at least desire to and are we ready to let God do that in us? As a country- we have a long way to go because we can’t even accurately tell the story of who we are. But what about you? Is your narrative one of denial or reality? And to be sure- this isn’t a blaming, guilting, shaming game- this is a letting go of enough control to let God shape you game.

All these people came to Jesus to be healed- they knew they were unwell and they wanted to do whatever they needed to be healed. To be honest- I’ve been healed a lot through therapy and through friends who have been brutally honest with me which is how I believe God is working in my life. I have learned that changing can be excruciating as well as admitting I was wrong. It is uncomfortable and in some ways feels like I’m letting a piece of myself go. But it has been healing. It has been making me more whole. You might hear me talk about this personality test called the enneagram a lot- it is based in spirituality and psychology and is an ancient test that has resurfaced the past couple decades. On this test- my results come back as personality type number 8- the challenger. There are many positives to this type but some of the hard parts are that sometimes I like to argue just to argue ( just ask my husband), that vulnerability is hard and that Control is important for me. These things are not in themselves but sometimes they make it difficult to admit that I am wrong or ask for help or be more compassionate- all things needed in relationships. So if I want to become more whole in myself and with others than these are things I need to work on and let me tell you it is not fun. Having to tell your spouse or your mom that you over reacted or admitting that you were too blunt is not enjoyable- am I right? I know I can’t be the only ones who has felt this. Being able to be honest about who we are is the only way towards becoming more whole. There is nothing wrong or unholy about the difficult parts of me- but it is a reality that if I am willing to change some things like “arguing for the sake of arguing” then that might make my marriage even just that much better.

Richard Rohr, A spiritual guru focusing on contemplative spirituality says “When we are willing to be transformed, we stop wasting time theorizing, projecting, denying, or avoiding our own ego resistance. The true spiritual teacher is not afraid to give us a dose of humiliation. It takes a masterful teacher or mentor to teach us that we are not important.” Otherwise, reality itself teaches us: painful life situations have to dismantle us brick by brick, decade by decade. This rings true both for myself and for America and maybe it rings true for you as well.

He continues on, “True master teachers, like Jeremiah and Jesus, are both prophets and pastors, which is why their teaching is almost too much for us. They both deconstruct and reconstruct. But the only reason they can tell us that we are not important is because they also announce to us our infinite and unearned importance. “

            This sentiment is what I was getting at before- once we know “our infinite and unearned importance” than can we own up to our mistakes because we know they do not wholly define us.

With all of us globally experiencing our common vulnerability to this virus we can learn the lesson that we are one in our humanity. No one is more important than anyone else. Powerlessness is the beginning of wisdom, as the Twelve-Steppers say. All we can finally do is pray that we allow the flow of the Spirit’s very presence within us. If there is no living water flowing through us, then we must pray for the desire for it to flow! Once the desire for something more is stirred and recognized, it is just a matter of time. Nothing less will ever totally satisfy us again.

This is my prayer for us- that in our road towards healing, we desire to be changed, to be humbled, to be willing to be powerless so that we may gain wisdom both for sake of ourselves and our country. Amen.