The Beauty of Trying Again

Sermon Matthew 20:1-16

This parable is part of a series of teachings meant to show us aspects of who God is.  In the parables leading up to this one, we see God’s relational side when we see the shepherd leave the 99 sheep to go after the 1,  we see Gods forgiving nature when Jesus tell us that we are to forgive each other an infinite number of times, We see Gods grace when Jesus explains to the the rich young ruler that no matter what we do on this earth we can’t earn our salvation because it is a gift from God. This parable we just read about the laborers in the vineyard teaches us about God’s generosity.  In our text this morning it says this parable is what the kingdom of heaven is like which is Matthew’s way of saying the kingdom of God.  A picture of equality that is difficult for us to swallow. In the parable we see a master of a vineyard go out throughout the day hiring workers to work on his vineyard. The master has mercy on those who are trying to earn a living and so he goes out multiple times to hire workers who have not yet received work. At the end of the day- the workers who have been working all day -since 8 am expect to get paid more than those who have only been working one hour. But it turns out that they all receive the same payment even though the amount they worked differed greatly. And of course this causes some outrage among the workers because well its just not fair. The workers start to argue with the master with what they feel is a convincing argument – “These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.” Can I point out how dramatic this is? – burden of the day- scorching heat. I don’t doubt it was hard work but It reminds me of me as a child trying to plead my case to my parents about why I deserve more than my siblings as if my hysterics and emphasis on the hardship I had to endure would somehow do the trick. We all had chores and one of my chores was cleaning the upstairs bathroom. No lie almost every week my mom would make me re-do cleaning the bathroom because it wasn’t up to her standards. I would insist that I spent ample time cleaning it the first time (which was not true) and then I would complain that my sibling’s chores were so much easier to accomplish.  My parent’s response though was always the same- don’t worry about your brother and sister- worry about yourself. This is basically the response the master gives to the complaining workers.

It was always so annoying that my parents never engaged in my dramatic pleas. But they were right- why was I so concerned about what my siblings received or didn’t receive. It doesn’t effect me at all so why should I care. I should just worry about myself. My parents love all 3 of us equally- treat all of us equally but the way they treat us might not always be what I deemed to be “fair”.

This text is frustrating and difficult and challenging because it flips our ideas of what it means to be just and what it means to be equal on their head. We say we believe that we are all equal by the sheer fact that we are all human but a quick look at any news source and its obvious we don’t really believe this. We believe that we earn our equality and that we earn the right to be treated with justice.  This parable reminds us that these aren’t things we can earn but that they are made true by grace. We are made equal by grace. We are made just by grace. And it is not something that we can begin to comprehend and yet there it is. And God gives us this grace out of generosity.

Until we believe this to be true, I don’t think we will be able to achieve the task of truly loving one another.

Ruby Sales, an African American social activist and theologian suggests that we need a new theology of what it means to be human. Our current theology of what it means to be human is too contingent on what it means to be white. Once this starts to be challenged the fear of loss of control over who we are causes us to become dangerous to ourselves and others- as is evident by the violence in our current society. Ruby says it so well so I’m just going to read an excerpt of an interview she had on Krista Tibbet’s podcast, On Being. This episode was called Where Does it Hurt and I would strongly urge everyone to listen to it.

She says, “How did we develop a theology or theologies in this 21^st century capitalistic autocracy where only a few lives matters? How do we raise people up from disposability to essentiality? This goes beyond the issue of race. What is it that public theology can say to the white person in Massachusetts that is heroin addicted because they feel their lives have no meaning because of the trickled down impact of whiteness in the world today. What do you say to someone who has been told that their whole essence is whiteness and power and domination and when that no longer exists they feel like they are dying or they get caught up in the throws of death. There are no alternative theologies. Where is a theology that redefines what it means to be fully human? I want a liberating white theology. I want a theology that deepens peoples understanding about their capacity to live fully human lives and to touch the goodness inside of them instead of calling up on them the part of them that’s not relational.”

For me, in trying to think about what my role is as a pastor, as a Christian, as someone who believes in the dignity and humanity of others, in the midst of all of the political, environmental, and social turmoil- this is something I can help shape. This is something that as a community we can all help shape.

But how?

I don’t know much but I’d like to think that 7 years of theological training taught me something about God and humanity. And that is that we know who we are by knowing who God is. That’s really one of the only things I do know. But I think we start there -with God.

We need to re-imagine God. Before we can think about what it means to be human we need to have a theologically accurate image of God. Now no one image can fully encompass God but I think we can all agree that some images are more helpful than others.

I once heard an explanation about our images of God. About how there are four main images that people have of God and unfortunately for most of us it is not a Benevolent image God. We do not see God as gentle, loving, forgiving, less likely to respond with wrath. Only 23% of people think this about God. I think that what we believe to be true about who God is, is what we believe to be true about ourselves and others.  If we can re-imagine God in a way that is true to who God is then we can begin to re-imagine what it means to be fully human and this new theology will not be so easily dismantled.

I think the text this morning gives us a pretty accurate image of what it means to be God. Generous and Gracious. To the extreme. To the point of embarrassment. To the point of uncomfortability and even unbelievability. Grace that can be calculated and expected is no longer grace.  And too often we reject this grace or resent this grace rather than receive it and allow it to change us. For those who have experienced grace you know that Grace is a dangerous thing because it will change you.

At the Table people are always asking me if they can help out in some way to compensate for their meal. This past week there was someone who followed me around all night asking for task after task because accepting a free meal and someone being generous to them was too uncomfortable, too embarrassing. I think there is value in giving someone work, in allowing them to participate in the community because it causes them to recognize their worth but I wish I could show them they are valued just because they are human and not because they have to earn it. I tell people all the time that this meal is for them and that their presence is all that is needed but it is ingrained in us to feel the need to earn something and not accept a handout. In one way or another we are all this man at the Table- unable to freely accept the overwhelming grace and generosity that God wants to give us. And I think that is because it is so hard for us to actually believe that God truly is generous and gracious.

 So I ask you, do you believe this? Do you believe that God is generous to you and gracious to you? I believe this and I believe this for you. Regardless of how crappy the world has treated you- God is generous and gracious towards you. Do you believe that God wants good things for you? Do you believe that you don’t have to do anything to earn this goodness?

It took me a long time to believe that God wants to be generous to me and gracious towards me. And sometimes I still have trouble believing this. I’ll go through these hard times where I am harsh with myself and unrelenting and strict in the hopes of bettering myself. But when I treat myself like this it is clear my former image of God is coming through. My image that God is harsh, controlling and stern and that that is how God compels his people to be better. But treating myself like this doesn’t compel me to be better like I intended. Rather it causes me to turn in on myself and dislike myself and I end up treating myself and others more poorly than I did before.

A few years ago I was at a talk on the intersection between politics and spirituality. John Alison, a graduate from Princeton Seminary came and spoke and he talked about how we cannot treat each other justly until we obtain a self love. He defines the means of justice in terms of the golden rule- to love your neighbor as yourself. If we learn to love our neighbors as ourselves than justice becomes possible. He says, “But what is implicitly included in the imperative love your neighbor as yourself is the presupposition that you already love yourself and that you do so well. True self love is the origin of abundance that frees the self to just relationship to neighbor. I emphasize the words well and true here because the love we have for ourselves in our contemporary moment is inept and dangerously false serving as but a coping mechanism to surviving the stresses of this world. When faced with reality- we are not living ourselves well and true. We repress these stresses by trying to put the lid back on Pandoras box.” 

If I can learn how to love myself well and true, then and only then can I love my neighbor as myself. Then can justice become a possibility. If I can learn to treat myself with grace and generosity, then and only then can I be generous and gracious towards others.

Let us let Gods example of grace and generosity be our example of what it means to love ourselves.  By resenting or refusing grace we are not being heroic in any way but we are hindering Gods work in the world.

So, I say it again. God is generous to you and gracious to you.

If we look closely at this parable, many of us would probably consider ourselves the workers who worked from sun up to sun down. But we don’t know what others go through- what if we are the ones who have only been working for an hour? We believe we are in a position of superiority or privilege compared to those who only worked the one hour. But the master doesn’t see privilege and he gives value, worth and equality to all the workers. The master of the vineyard recognized that those who hadn’t received work from the beginning of the day were the ones most in need, the ones most in need of resources, compassion and generosity. We are not so bothered with this story because someone else received grace but because our sense of privilege is not recognized. We don’t have the ability to earn more or be more deserving than someone else and that is terrifying to us.

It is grace that makes us equal and grace that creates justice. A theology of what it means to be fully human needs to begin with the foundation that we are made equal by grace and thus equally worthy rather than our current theology that we are made equal based on our ability to earn it and thus we are not equally worthy.

If we define what it means to be fully human through this lens of grace suddenly there is room for every human life to matter, not just a few. If we learn to love ourselves well and true then we can learn to love our neighbors and justice will be made possible.

I want to leave you with these 2 questions:

What do you love about yourself? Like really love- what parts of you do you think the world is lucky to have?

This is not self-indulgence- this is self-respect. How can you learn to love more parts of yourself and how can you make the parts you love even bigger?

Amen.

The Beauty of Trying Again

James 2:1-10

When I read this passage last week I just had images of schitts creek popping up in my head. Have you all seen schitts creek? It’s a comedy- took me three tries to actually watch it because it is so cringeworthy. It’s about this ultra-rich family who loses their fortune and end up in a dead end town they had bought as a joke a while back. The characters are so unaware of themselves that their favoritism or lack of it for these towns people is apparent in every thing they say and every facial expression this family makes.

We are told the poor in the world are to be rich in faith- we have heard this many times in the Gospel but have we asked why do those that are poor have a strong faith? In the show- the characters actually become happier than they have ever been- they don’t love being poor but having to depend on each other has strengthened their relationships, helped them get to know themselves more and think about what would truly make them happy. They found meaning in a way they never had to before- because they were desperate.

I myself have never been poor. But I did have an experience in my life where I felt very out of control and realized that my life was dependent on things out of my control and I think that is how it feels for the poor- even though they try to get out of their situation, it is largely out of their control, they have to rely on others for stability or security and that is scary and they have to admit that they don’t know what the future has in store. So for me this realization came when I was 20 and I had my first seizure. I was in Eastern University’s campus library, and I woke up in the hospital when they told me I had a seizure. I was fine but after that we didn’t know if I would have another one- would they happen often or not at all? I had my license taken away for 6 months per the pa state law and I did youth ministry at the time so I had to rely on students’ parents picking me up so I could hang out with their kid- it was humbling to say the least. For the first time, I felt like I did not have control and I was forced to depend on people if I wanted to continue doing the things that were important to me. Its’ not until you are desperate that you are forced to lean on something. Those first 6 months were the closest I have felt to God because I had to trust that it would all work out and for me it did. I learned a lot about myself, I grew a lot, and I found a greater sense of gratitude. I think those that are poor on this earth- that are lacking- that they are rich in faith because it’s not until we are desperate that we give in and trust someone or something else and that can be a really beautiful experience.

In this passage we also get another taste of the way God does things- 1^st flips the whole rich/poor thing upside down and then says that when it comes to failing- its one and done. One slip up is a failure.

If you miss any part you fail the whole test- that means we all fail. How can we tell who is better though? Who is smarter, wiser, kinder, gooder? These benchmarks are useless to our competitive culture. How will God assess our faithfulness if not by the commandments we keep? And by that count we are all in trouble because we fail to meet them every day. If we read a little further it goes on about how faith without works is dead. It essentially says “ saying kind things to them ( those poor helpless people) is nice, but if you have not met their physical needs, what good is that?”

Is this a sermon about failure or about desperation? Is it possible they are connected? What do these things have to do with each other? Well when you are desperate you will try anything- its different than apathy- there is motivation in desperation, there is still a desire to achieve said thing. In desperation there is the burst of energy to try and make something work- securing a new job, housing situation, saving a relationship. Apathy comes after the desperation. So desperation- it’s the last ditch effort. When I looked up the word in Hebrew I found that it also means, daring, bold, audacious, courageous and brave.

Failure- for this I think we need a more accurate portrayal of failure. Most times we have understood failure as the end- it’s the finality of something that has not survived. The unsuccessful last attempt. The test grade that plummets the gpa, the relationship that is too far gone, that time you got fired. Failure in this sense is the end. A more accurate portrayal of failure both in scripture and in the world is a beginning. The only way to learn is through failure- the only way to figure out what works is through failure. You could say, the more you fail the closer you get to succeeding because you are narrowing down what works and what doesn’t. Failure in this sense is a chance to try again. To keep trying and get better every time because you learn something each time. Failure my friends is an essential part of life and more than that is a good part of life. This should take the pressure off- failure is the rule not the exception. Failure is not to be ashamed of or escaped from.

But man have we tricked ourselves. I know people in their midlife- and maybe this is some of you- who have still not failed. Not because they are just “that good” but because not failing has become the ultimate goal rather than living. Rather than pushing yourself and experimenting and enjoying. It’s possible not to fail by the worlds standards but I wonder if that is considered success by Gods standards?

For some the pressure of not failing creates diamonds but for most of us that pressure creates a downward spiral into self-hatred and shame. So failure if correctly understood is also about trying again.

So what do failure and desperation have in common? Trying again. And I think that’s the goal. We won’t meet the goal of keeping all the commandments because we can’t. We won’t meet every physical need of every person in need because we can’t. Jesus said the poor will always be with us but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep trying. That’s the whole ball game. Try and try and try some more.

I’m sure you have all heard the divorce statistics among marriages- it’s not good. I know I mention marriage like every week- but I was fascinated with the idea of marriage or really the idea of commitment between adults (doesn’t have to be marriage but there is more research about this than friendships) long before I wanted to be married because I think these types of relationships with humans help us so much in navigating how we are in this world.

So the divorce rate- pretty depressing. I think with the reality that while extremely painful and not desirable divorce is pretty easy- its pretty easy to get to the point where you feel like divorce is the only option ad its pretty easy to make it happen at least compared to 100 years ago. When marriage was more about survival, economics and reproduction, divorce wasn’t really something people did. You tried harder because you had to. Don’t get me wrong I think its great that shame is not associated as much with divorce or that people that are in unhealthy marriages can leave but at the same time I have to wonder if there is a reason people don’t try as hard. I came across an interesting NPR article that said its not that people aren’t trying hard its that the expectation of what marriage is has become so unattainable. It’s almost impossible not to fail at these new standards. I wonder if when people got to the point of divorce if there wasn’t a way to start over- try again with a new model, not a new person. If this modern understanding of marriage isn’t working and it’s not for 50% of the population maybe we need a new one. I think most people in that situation would say I rather find someone else that fits into my understanding of marriage than create a new understanding with this same person.

I work with the Presbytery helping them partner with pcusa’s 1001 NWC to help NWC in NCP form, develop and grow. A NWC is a church that is new but still working within the pcusa system- they are simply using their own model of “church”. For each community this is different- there are skatepark nwc’s, farm nwc’s, forest NWC’s, and on and on and on. These are created because church in the traditional model wasn’t working. Instead of walking away from the church like so many do they saw something worth saving and created a different worshipping community from a different model. The pcusa gives these churches lots of money because it believes in the risk you have to take. There is 3 years of grants and during that time you try your model and tweak it and see if it works and if it doesn’t well it doesn’t. More than half die within the first 10 years. But the pcusa doesn’t see that as failure- for those years- ministry was being done and it tells us what doesn’t work. And then you try again. People I work with have started numerous nwc’s. It’s not a one and done type of deal like it is in our society. If something doesn’t work we don’t generally keep trying- we abandon it altogether for something different.

I mean we do this with our lives in every aspect right? If some aspect isn’t working, we don’t try and reinvent it- we throw it away and start anew because its easier. Sometimes, I feel like we do this with our world. It feels too far gone. It’s too hard to re-invent or create a different model. It feels like we have moved to apathy. Like we are past the desperation.

But what I hear in our message today is to keep trying- it doesn’t have to be perfect, and you will make mistakes but keep trying. Desperation is not the worst thing- apathy is. Use the desperation to your advantage.

The beauty about that whole thing of God pointing out how easy it is to fail and that we all fail is that then we are all redeemed-we are all forgiven, we are all put on the same playing field. And not because you earned it. Not because you deserve it. Not because of anything. In God’s Kingdom, you can’t earn things by doing. You receive grace by being. The thing we need to come to understand is that the goal of trying is not about achieving something- the trying is the goal. Jesus was the only perfect human, meant to represent all mankind and through his redemptive work on the cross, we get to keep trying. It’s a privilege to keep trying. Not because we should be so grateful that God lets us live another day.  But because Something happens in the trying. My MIL was telling me how my nephew who is very shy and very timid took the bus for the first time – he’s starting 1^st grade- and the steps on the bus are almost as big as he is and with each step up to the bus you could see his confidence gaining. He’s going to school for the first time- taking the bus for the first time- having a teacher-doing things on his own- and I am so excited to see how much he will grow this year and how different he will be at the end. Owen is going to have to try a lot this year, try a lot of things for the first time, try a lot of things again. The trying will give him confidence and help him to know that he can do hard things and new things and he can make a difference. But he doesn’t know any of that yet because he’s just starting and its exciting to watch someone start to try things. Just because we are not new to trying doesn’t mean the same growth and fulfillment cant come from us trying some more.

I know that we are all so tired and we don’t want to keep trying. I saw a meme the other day that said “ I wonder what chapter of revelation we are living today.” It would be comical if it wasn’t so depressing. But we get to try to make it better and if we get the chance to do something about it then I think we should. Amen.