Can You Drink The Cup?

*This was an assignment for CPE that I thought I would share in case anyone else was struggling with their discernment of vocation.

Can You Drink The Cup? was Henri Nouwen’s last book that he wrote before he died. This was his reflection on the call on his life but also the call on all of our lives. I read this book because it was recommended by a friend when I told her I wanted to really discern my call and I wanted to discern if chaplaincy was my call or if it wasn’t what it had to do with my call. Is it my call for the time being, for the foreseeable future, forever or not at all? What leads me to believe this is my call and what leads me to believe it isn’t? Is the difficulty and exhaustion a sign that it is or isn’t my call? I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Was it helpful in my quest? I think so. It didn’t necessarily give me answers but it did help me realize that I won’t really know until I can accept it as a yes. I need to accept the call in order to see if I can do it, in order to see if it brings me joy, in order to see what God has to offer me through it.

Nouwen gets at this point by using the metaphor of The Cup. He makes the argument that the cup that Jesus drinks is both the cup of sorrows and the cup of joy. Knowing that this is the cup of sorrows, even Jesus pleads with the Father to “take this cup from me if at all possible” because it seems unbearable. Jesus then asks his disciples, namely James and John- “ Can you drink the cup that I drink from?” Can you drink from the cup of sorrows? They say that they can but do they really know what they are saying yes to? Nouwen says that to say yes to drinking the cup of sorrows we are doing three things. First we are taking a long hard look at our own sorrows (holding the cup), secondly we are sharing and celebrating life in community which means sharing your sorrows with one another (Lifting the cup) and Thirdly, accepting the sorrow and joy as the life that has been given to you (drinking the cup).

This book helped me to see that I can not see the joy that comes with the sorrow until I accept the sorrow. I can do this personally with my own sorrow but maybe I also need to do it professionally with the sorrow that comes with the vocation that I choose. Can I know the joy that chaplaincy brings if I am not willing to accept that this is not what I envisioned or dreamed of? I am not sure to what extent I need to accept this vocation in order to see the joy. Do I need to accept it for what it is now, a trial? Or do I need to accept it as my calling for now? This book makes me wonder if I am running from this thing that is hard and not at all glamorous. Church planting was hard but it was also viewed as sexy in the ministry community and that was exciting. This type of ministry is frustrating because it is entangled within the healthcare system and within the government. This type of ministry is the least of these. There is no glamour. There is little reward as far as professional perks go. Many times it is literally smelly and questionably sanitary or even safe. If I stay here my voice will be much smaller than I imagined and I will be less loved and adored than I hoped. I think in many ways I have held the cup and even lifted the cup but now the cup is at my lips and I have to decide if am going to drink it and if I am, will I drink it to the dregs?